notverygoodwebcomics's soup

Hi, I’m Colonius Moderate from Shitty Webcomics. You may have seen my face on television or heard my voice on radio. I’m known for such great works of art as “Kill Everything, the webcomic” or “Princess Highground”.

Tell me, have you ever felt like a complete waste of space? As a subhuman piece of shit that has failed its parents at every possible step of the way?
Basically, do you watch anime?

If your answer is yes, then worry no more! There’s new self-help book on the block, and it’s “HOW NOT TO BE A WEEB NIGGER FAGGOT FOR DUMMIES!®”. With my patented ENGINE TECHNIQUE™ (エンジンの術), you too can stop being a pussy-faced truffle-bottomed simpin’ nigga and step up your game. But you don’t have to believe me (remember, trust but verify!), just listen to these testimonials from our satisfied customers!

John Smith
“Since I got married, I could not even bear looking at my wife. Now, thanks to Colonius Moderate’s ENGINE TECHNIQUE™, I’ve fucked her right in the pussy for six hours straight! She told Dayquan to go to hell, and she cancelled the divorce! Thanks, Shitty Webcomics crew!”

Noraa Zaid
“Before reading HNTBaWNFfD, I was the biggest punk-ass bitch in the neighbourhood. Now I’m the second biggest punk-ass bitch! Thanks, SWC!”

Thomas Enk
“Weaboo was the case they gave me. There was no effective treatment, doctors gave me months, maybe weeks. I’ve spent more and more time alone in the basement, thinking platonic thoughts of my boat waifu. However, thanks to the ENJIN NO JUTSU, I’ve realized that there’s still one thing I can do in this life - I’ve been working 12 hours a day, saving only enough to live, and send the rest of the money to Shitty Webcomics patreon. It’s been two years now, and I’m as healthy as ever. Domo arigatou gozaimasu, Colonius-senpai~!”

Pretty impressive, huh? So, how much could such exceptional book cost? Fifty dollaridoos? A hundred? FIVE HUNDRED NINETY NINE US DOLLARS?
To be honest, if we’d want to price this book according to its merit, noone would be able to buy it. That’s why we give it out FOR FREE, you ungrateful bastards! You are more than cordially invited to donate to our patreon, though.

 Cool Mod: I didn’t make kill everything that wasn’t me at all! I just concepted Sally Hatefuck.

I like ENJIN NO JUTSU though. I like it a lot. But in truth I should have never wrote that bullshitty tutorial, I feel like a huge nerd faggot for revealing my inner workings like that.

Oh wait I am a huge nerd faggot.

 Do any of you guys even have any idea how much anime I’ve watched? I’ve probably seen more anime than a hundred Tenks combined. I’m watching an anime right now as I type this. And I started watching sentai power ranger shows a little while back, and I think they’re great. I can actually speak a fair amount of Japanese, too. I plan to visit japan some day to scout for a wife to make me some yellow babies.

 This book isn’t BY me. It’s FOR me.